just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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