I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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