don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He shit in the fireplace
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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