K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
