For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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