i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
