Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
