i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
