My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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