mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
