im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
