i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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