Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize