She is in my trunk
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
