he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
