if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
