Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
