nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
