i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
