Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
