my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This is my gift to your gina
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
