Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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