Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
