this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
