Can i not drive my cunt home
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
