Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's never too late to be topless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
