And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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