Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
