Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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