We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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