i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When did angry sex become our thing?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
