the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
