totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
