I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
