im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
