i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
