I wanna bring you to show and tell
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
