Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
