I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
