I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
