Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
