i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
