you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
