It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
