Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
