It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
