You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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