If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
