Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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