We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
