does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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