kristin has been a bad kristin
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
