Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
