why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
