I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
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