Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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