Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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