i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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