I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
