saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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