yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
