Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
