You can't motorboat a personality
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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