a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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