the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
