She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
