remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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