Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
