I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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