So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
