I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
