i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
